Understanding Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn + Tips to Expand Your Window of Tolerance

We’ve all had moments where we felt hijacked by our emotions, like we snapped at someone, shut down mid-convo, or suddenly needed to escape a room. These aren’t just personality quirks. They’re nervous system responses, automatic survival strategies that kick in when your body perceives a threat, real or imagined.

These trauma responses —fight, flight, freeze, and fawn —are deeply ingrained in our biology. Understanding them is a powerful first step toward healing, especially if you grew up in environments where safety, connection, or attunement were inconsistent.

Let’s break down these responses, how they show up in your body, and how to create more capacity to stay present and connected, even when things feel overwhelming.

Fight Response: When the Body Says "I Must Defend"

The fight response is the body’s way of pushing back when it perceives danger. This can look like:

• Snapping at your partner during a disagreement

• Yelling when you feel cornered

• Becoming hyper-controlling in relationships

What it feels like in the body:

• Clenched jaw, tight fists

• Surge of energy or anger

• Increased heart rate

• Feeling “on edge” or ready to confront

Underneath the fight response? A deep belief that the only way to stay safe is to stay in control.

Flight Response: When the Body Says "I Have to Escape"

Flight often gets misread as anxiety, but it’s your nervous system saying, “Get me out of here.”

Examples include:

• Overworking or staying “busy” to avoid feelings

• Leaving relationships before getting too close

• Constant restlessness or needing to move

In the body:

• Racing thoughts

• Tense legs or feet

• Trouble sitting still

• Shallow breathing

This response often develops when connection felt dangerous or overwhelming. The body learned that moving fast = staying safe.

Freeze Response: When the Body Says "Play Dead"

Freeze happens when the nervous system is overwhelmed and neither fight nor flight seems possible. You might:

• Go numb during conflict

• Feel stuck in indecision

• Disassociate or "zone out"

• Struggle to remember details after a stressful event

In the body:

• Sense of heaviness or paralysis

• Numbness

• Brain fog or forgetfulness

• Trouble speaking or moving

As Peter Levine says, “Trauma is not in the event itself, but in the nervous system’s response.” Freeze is a common response to overwhelming, chronic stress, especially for those who felt powerless or unseen growing up.

Fawn Response: When the Body Says "Appease to Survive"

Fawning is the lesser-known trauma response, described by therapist Pete Walker. It’s the instinct to please, appease, or over-accommodate to avoid conflict.

This might show up as:

• Always saying “yes,” even when you want to say no

• Avoiding conflict at all costs

• Merging your identity with others to feel safe

In the body:

• Tight throat or chest

• Social anxiety

• Feeling drained after being around others

• Hyper-awareness of others’ needs and moods

Fawning often develops in children who had to become emotionally attuned to caregivers to survive, especially in homes where love felt conditional.

So… What Now?

Knowing your go-to trauma response isn’t about self-blame; it’s about awareness. Awareness opens the door to healing.

To move beyond survival mode, you have to build what somatic therapist Deb Dana calls “a regulated nervous system through connection, safety, and choice.”

Here’s how:

Tips to Expand Your Window of Tolerance

Your window of tolerance is your nervous system’s capacity to stay present and regulated through stress. The wider it is, the more resilience you have to face life’s ups and downs.

1. Name What’s Happening: say it out loud or journal it: “I’m in a fight response.” Naming it gently brings the prefrontal cortex online.

   
   

2. Resource Your Body (Somatic Anchors)

   • Ground your feet into the floor

   • Place one hand on your heart, the other on your belly

   • Lengthen your exhale to signal safety

     
     

3. Use Co-Regulation: Connect with someone you feel safe with. Even texting a friend or looking at a calming photo can signal to your nervous system: You’re not alone.

   
   

4. Create Safety Rituals: Try warm tea, playlists, scent (lavender, eucalyptus), or movement (dancing, walking). These small cues remind your body it’s safe to be.

   
   

5. Practice Polyvagal-Informed Mindfulness: Deb Dana teaches, bring your attention to “glimmers” (the opposite of triggers):

   • A breeze on your skin

   • A moment of laughter

   • The warmth of the sun

     
     

6. Therapeutic Support: Work with a trauma-informed therapist who understands somatics, attachment, and the ways cultural trauma can shape our nervous system responses.

   
   

Final Thoughts: Your Body Isn’t the Enemy—It’s the Historian

You are not “too sensitive” or “overreacting.” Your body is doing what it was wired to do: protect you. The good news? You can rewire that response with compassion, curiosity, and practice.

Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn again; it means you’ll learn how to notice it, support yourself through it, and come back home to yourself quicker each time.

Need Help Regulating Your Nervous System? We offer trauma-informed therapy and support groups to help you reconnect with your body and build lasting emotional resilience. Book a consultation or join a group today.