Empath or Trauma Response? How to Tell the Difference

So you’re the one who always knows when someone’s upset, even before they say a word. You feel other people’s moods in your bones. Your group chat calls you “the therapist.” You’ve probably been told, “You’re just so empathic!”

But… what if what you’re calling empathy is actually a trauma response?

Let’s unpack it.

What Is the Difference Between Empathy and a Trauma Response?

• Empathy is the ability to feel with someone, not for them. It creates connection, not anxiety.

  
  

• A trauma response, on the other hand, is your nervous system going into overdrive to scan for danger, conflict, or disapproval.

  
  

Empathy is a gift. Trauma response is a survival skill. Many of us grew up thinking they were the same thing.

How Childhood Trauma Leads to Hypervigilance and Emotional Sensitivity

If you grew up with:

• A highly emotional or unpredictable parent

  
  

• A home where you were always walking on eggshells

  
  

• A caregiver who made their emotions your responsibility

  
  

…you may have learned to constantly monitor others to stay safe. That kind of hyper-awareness can look like empathy, but it often stems from hypervigilance.

In My Grandmother’s Hands, Resmaa Menakem reminds us that trauma lives in the body, especially racialized trauma. And Dr. Kenneth Hardy emphasizes how Black folks often learn to anticipate others' needs and moods to avoid harm or rejection, especially in systems not built for our safety.

Signs You Might Be Experiencing a Trauma Response

• You feel responsible for managing other people’s emotions

  
  

• You feel anxious when someone’s energy is "off"

  
  

• You often feel emotionally drained after social interactions

  
  

• You avoid conflict at all costs, even when it hurts you

  
  

• You second-guess texts, tone, or facial expressions

  
  

Sound familiar? That’s not empathy. That’s your nervous system trying to keep you safe.

Somatic Tools to Regulate and Reconnect

Healing means coming back to your body. Here are a few somatic tools to help:

1. Shake It Out: Stand up and shake your arms, legs, and shoulders. Let your body release the stress it's been holding.

2. Voo Breathing: Take a deep breath and make a low “vooooooo” sound as you exhale. This stimulates your vagus nerve and signals safety to your nervous system.

3. Orienting: Look around the room and slowly take in your environment. Let your brain and body register: you are safe right now.

4. Hand-to-Heart Hold: Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly. Breathe deeply and say to yourself: “I don’t have to carry it all.”

Final Thoughts: Empathy vs. Trauma

Being emotionally attuned is powerful. But if your "empathy" leaves you anxious, exhausted, or resentful, it might not be empathy, it might be trauma.

Empathy is spacious. Trauma is urgent.

You deserve relationships that nourish you, not drain you. You deserve safety in your own body. If you're ready to break the cycle and get support, we’re here to walk with you.

Ready to Heal? Try EMDR or Trauma-Focused Therapy

At Odile Psychotherapy Services, we offer trauma-informed, culturally grounded therapy designed to help you reset your nervous system and reclaim your peace.

Our EMDR Intensives and 1:1 sessions are ideal for:

• People who feel stuck in old emotional patterns

  
  

• Folks ready to do deep, focused healing work

  
  

• Those who want to fast-track their healing journey

  
  

You don't have to live in hypervigilance. With the right support, you can feel safe again, in your body, your relationships, and your life.

Book your EMDR Intensive or 1:1 consultation today and take the next step toward healing.