Sis, You Are Lovable—With or Without a Boo

Valentine’s Day can be a lot when you’re single. The flower deliveries, the Instagram proposals, the constant reminder that you’re not in a rom-com where your high school crush realizes you were “the one” all along. And for single Black women carrying the weight of shame and worry that love might never come? Whew. It can feel like a cruel joke.

But let’s take a deep breath together. Inhale… exhale. This isn’t the end of your love story.

The Fear Beneath “Will I Ever Find Love?”

If you’ve ever thought, What if I never find my person? you’re not alone. But let’s dig deeper—because underneath that question is usually a fear about what it would mean about you.

Journal Prompt:➡️ If you were to never find love, what do you fear it would say about you?

Would it mean you’re unworthy? Unlovable? Too much? Not enough? Would it confirm some lie that someone (or society) told you?

Sis, let’s be clear: None of that is true. Love—especially romantic love—doesn’t determine your worth. You are already whole. Already enough. Already deserving.

But I know the fear can still feel real, so let’s talk about how to navigate those feelings with some self-soothing and distress tolerance skills.

When the Loneliness Hits: What to Do Instead of Spiral

Because let’s be honest—Valentine’s Day can trigger some feelings. So when you start doom-scrolling through engagement reels or rereading texts from that ex, here’s what to do instead:

🔸 Shake it off (literally). Movement releases tension. Dance like Beyoncé just

dropped Renaissance Pt. 2, take a walk, or shake your arms out like you’re in a praise break at church.

🔸 Talk to yourself like you’d talk to your best friend. If she called you crying, would you tell her she’s unworthy? Exactly. Show yourself that same love.

🔸 Breathe through it. Try box breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4. Repeat. Let your nervous system know you’re safe.

🔸 Change the channel. When your mind starts playing “Forever Alone” on repeat, switch it up. Call a friend, watch something hilarious (Abbott Elementary, anyone?), or listen to a playlist that makes you feel like That Girl.

What If Love Is Guaranteed?

Here’s another question to sit with:

Journal Prompt:➡️ If you knew you were guaranteed to find love, how would you live your life differently? What would you believe about yourself?

Would you stop obsessing over timelines? Would you take up more space? Would you trust that the right person would love you for you? Would you finally book that solo trip to Ghana, start that passion project, or show up to life like you already belong?

Spoiler alert: You do belong. And you don’t have to put your joy, confidence, or sense of self on layaway until love arrives.

Sis, Love Is Already Here

Romantic love is beautiful, but it’s not the only kind of love that matters. You are surrounded by love—in your friendships, your community, your ancestors who are rooting for you. And most importantly, in yourself.

So this Valentine’s Day, instead of mourning what you don’t have, celebrate what you do have. Love on yourself the way you want to be loved. Speak to yourself like you are already chosen. Because you are.

And when love does come? It’ll find you already living, already thriving, already whole. 💛

Ready to Heal, Grow, and Attract the Love You Deserve?

If you’re carrying the weight of shame, fear, or past relationship wounds, you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Odile Psychotherapy Service, we help Black women heal from relational trauma, build self-love, and attract the healthy relationships they deserve.

✨ Book a free consultation today and take the first step toward a more confident, love-filled life. Your healing starts here.