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Writer's pictureSuzelande Dalce

How To Heal Your Fear of Abandonment

Updated: Oct 17


Black woman looking sad and scared
Sad Black woman

A powerful emotional reaction that has a major influence on our relationships and general mental health is the dread of abandonment.


This concern frequently stems from early attachment experiences in childhood, when people may have experienced trauma, neglect, or uneven care from significant figures in their lives, including parents or guardians. Consequently, this early feeling of unease may develop into a generalized anxiety that hinders the formation of stable relationships as an adult. An intense fear of losing loved ones can take many forms, such as withdrawal or clinginess, which can result in actions that external observers may view as unreasonable or excessive.


This can lead to a cycle of self-sabotage in relationships, where fear of being hurt causes a person to push others away, reinforcing their initial fear. This emotional interplay can make people feel isolated, and misunderstood, and hinder their ability to form meaningful connections, ultimately impacting their quality of life. Understanding the causes and manifestations of this fear is crucial for fostering healthy relationships and healing emotional wounds.


One can learn about how fear influences behavior and relationships by exploring its root causes, such as early experiences, cultural expectations, and personal insecurities. By communicating honestly and seeking help, individuals can form genuine connections, fostering empathy and self-acceptance. Overcoming emotional wounds leads to increased resilience and deeper connections, creating a supportive emotional environment for oneself and others. Understanding and addressing fear is crucial for overcoming history's constraints and building healthier relationships.


Identify abandonment concerns by recognizing common symptoms:

  • Extreme anxiety or panic when facing rejection or separation

  • Preemptive measures to end relationships before perceived loss

  • Seeking validation from close ones leading to annoyance or alienation

  • Fixation on relationships and fear of abandonment

  • Distrust in people and doubts about their commitment

Recognizing these patterns is the first step in understanding and managing emotions.


Suggestions for Action:

  • Develop Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in fear. Perform breathing exercises, accept emotions without judgment, and try journaling for emotional unpacking.

  • Communicate Openly: Clear misunderstandings by honestly sharing sentiments with loved ones to increase empathy and strengthen relationships.

  • Actively Contest Negative Thoughts: Confront and challenge negative ideas that lead to feelings of abandonment. Evaluate anxieties based on facts rather than assumptions or past experiences.

  • Create Healthy Boundaries: Differentiate between dependence and closeness by setting boundaries in relationships to maintain intimacy without feeling overwhelmed.

  • Build a Support System: Establish a supportive network of friends, family, or neighbors to feel stable and reduce feelings of dread and loneliness.


If your relationships or everyday life are severely impacted by abandonment anxieties, you might want to consider getting professional help. A therapist or counselor can offer a secure setting for discussing these anxieties, figuring out the root causes, and creating useful coping mechanisms.

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