Breaking Free from the Arrival Fallacy: The Key to Lasting Happiness in Relationships, Health, and Wealth

Odile McKenzie, LCSW
Aug 12
4 min read

We’ve all been there – whether it’s in dating, weight loss, or the pursuit of more money, the "arrival fallacy" convinces us that once we reach a specific goal, happiness will follow. But what if we’ve been chasing an illusion? The arrival fallacy can set us up for disappointment because it tricks us into believing that external achievements will create lasting fulfillment. In this blog, we’ll dive into why this mindset can hold us back and how to shift our perspective for greater well-being and contentment.

What is the Arrival Fallacy?

The arrival fallacy refers to the belief that once we achieve a certain goal or milestone, we will experience permanent happiness and fulfillment. We’ve all caught ourselves saying things like:

"Once I’m in a committed relationship, I’ll feel complete."
"If I lose 20 pounds, I’ll finally love my body."
"Once I make more money, I’ll feel secure."

While these goals might bring temporary satisfaction, they don’t guarantee long-term happiness. In fact, they can leave us feeling unfulfilled once we reach them. The focus often shifts to the next milestone, leaving us in a constant cycle of seeking fulfillment from external sources. This is the arrival fallacy in action.

Dating: The Myth of "The One"

In the world of dating, many of us have been taught that finding the "right" person will magically fix everything and bring us happiness. We dream of a fairy-tale romance where everything falls into place once we meet "the one." But the truth is, no partner can complete us. Happiness is something we must cultivate within ourselves.

It’s also important to focus on nurturing relationships that go beyond just having someone to hang out with. It’s not about finding someone to take to brunch, to the Lay Out, or to the movies. It’s about building connections that support you in your most vulnerable moments. A true partner is someone who can show up during your tough times, listen without judgment, and stand by you through thick and thin.

Focusing on self-love, healing from past relational trauma, setting healthy boundaries, and nurturing your own growth is just as fulfilling, if not more, than the idealized relationship we’ve envisioned. It’s important to enjoy the journey of discovering who you are, what you need in a partner, and what makes you feel whole without relying solely on someone else.

Weight Loss: Finding Fulfillment Beyond the Scale

Many people tie their happiness to a specific weight goal. We often think that once we lose a few pounds or fit into a smaller dress size, we’ll feel more confident and at peace. But what happens when we reach that goal? For some, it’s a brief moment of pride, followed by a shift to the next goal, whether it's losing more weight or changing something else about our bodies.

True happiness comes from accepting ourselves as we are, appreciating our bodies for their strength, and focusing on health rather than appearance. The journey to self-love is ongoing, and no number on a scale will ever be the final destination for happiness.

Instead of focusing only on external changes, engage in activities that bring you fulfillment—whether it’s taking a dance class, hiking, cooking your favorite meal, or spending time with loved ones. These moments bring joy and connection, and they are part of the bigger picture of well-being.

Money: The Illusion of "More is Better"

The arrival fallacy is particularly strong when it comes to money. We believe that once we reach a specific financial milestone, everything will finally fall into place. But research shows that beyond a certain point, more money doesn’t bring greater happiness. In fact, focusing solely on money can leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled.

True financial well-being involves a balance of earning, saving, and investing, but also finding fulfillment in the work we do, the relationships we have, and the experiences we seek. Wealth isn’t just about money—it’s about the richness of life in all its forms.

By practicing mindfulness and focusing on what you can control in your life now, you can start to create fulfillment from within. Rather than obsessing over what you don’t have, focus on what you do have—your skills, your passion, your community. The ability to change and improve is always within reach.