Let’s be real—dating in the digital age is like living in a never-ending episode of a reality TV show you didn’t sign up for.
You’re out here, swiping left on everyone with a blurry profile picture, dodging strange pickup lines, and trying not to lose faith in love one awkward first date at a time. For Black women and people of color, this process can come with an extra layer of exhaustion. The racial bias in online dating is real, and the pressure to find “the one” while navigating microaggressions and unwanted fetishes can be downright exhausting. But before you throw your phone out the window and decide to become a plant mom (again), let’s talk about how you can cope with online dating burnout in a way that restores your energy and your joy.
1. Take a Swipe Break—You Deserve It
Girl, if swiping feels like a full-time job, it’s time to clock out. There’s no rule that says you need to be constantly active on dating apps to find love. Put the phone down and take a break—whether that’s a few days, weeks, or however long you need. It's like taking a personal vacation from the emotional labor of small talk and ghosting. Your peace of mind is worth more than the next "wyd?" text that was sent to ten other people.
2. Check Your Mindset: Are You Dating or Fishing?
Sometimes we approach online dating like it’s a numbers game, casting a wide net and hoping for the best. But here’s a newsflash: you are not a fisherman! Dating isn’t about catching anything that bites. Shift your mindset from quantity to quality. Every swipe doesn’t have to lead to a conversation, and every conversation doesn’t have to lead to a date. Give yourself permission to be selective—because you are the prize, sis. Remember that.
3. Affirm Yourself: It's Not You, It’s the Algorithm
Online dating algorithms are not designed with our experiences in mind. If you’re feeling unseen or overlooked, it’s not a reflection of your worth—it’s a reflection of a system that doesn’t always celebrate diversity. So, before you start doubting yourself or changing your profile to fit a certain mold, pause and remind yourself that you are beautiful, unique, and deserving of love. The right person will see that, even if it takes time.
4. Set Some Boundaries—Then Stick to Them
Let’s face it, boundaries are the real MVP in any area of life, but especially in dating. Whether that’s limiting your app usage to an hour a day or being firm about what you’re looking for, boundaries will help you preserve your energy. Not every message deserves a reply, and not every match deserves your time. Protect your peace, sis, and don’t let online dating drain your self-worth.
5. Don’t Be Afraid to Hit ‘Delete’
Sometimes the best self-care move is deleting the app altogether. And that doesn’t mean you’re giving up—it just means you’re prioritizing your mental health. Maybe it’s time to focus on other areas of your life: hobbies, friendships, or just Netflix and chill (with yourself). Love will still find you, even when you’re not actively searching.
6. Surround Yourself with Your Tribe
When online dating gets you down, your squad is here to lift you up. Call up your girls for a vent session, or plan a self-love night with some wine, good music, and even better company. Sometimes a little reminder from your circle that you are a whole vibe can make all the difference.
7. Laugh Through the Chaos
Look, if nothing else, online dating gives you some hilarious stories. Next time you’re on a crazy date or reading yet another awkward message, take a step back and laugh. Laughter is the best medicine, and who knows? One day you’ll look back on these experiences and thank them for showing you what you don’t want. (And for the killer stories you'll tell at brunch!)
8. Remember: Love Starts with You
The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself. Whether or not you find someone through an app, you deserve to feel loved and cared for—by you! So, take yourself on that date, buy yourself those flowers, and remind yourself daily that you are worthy of love, just as you are.
Final Thoughts
Dating as a Black woman, especially online, can be a unique challenge. But at the end of the day, don’t let the process wear you down. You are strong, beautiful, and deserving of a love that matches your worth. And while the journey may come with some bumps, take it all in stride—with humor, self-love, and a tribe that keeps you grounded.
Now, close that app for a minute and take some time for YOU. The right one will come, but in the meantime, remember that you are already enough.
If you have trouble remembering your enoughness, it may be time to talk about it with a professional who can help you reclaim your power and step into the love you deserve. Schedule a session today and start putting yourself first!
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